Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Size Does Not Matter

 She came to see me because she was at the end of her road.  She had lost her job for a while now and had hoped that she will be able to find another one in not too long a time.  So many application letters and interviews later, she still hasn’t gotten another job.  Her savings are gradually getting eroded and still nothing in sight.

To make matters worse, she wasn’t sleeping well and this was beginning to affect her health.  As she spoke, no, lamented her plight, I couldn’t help remembering another conversation we had a long time ago.  She had her job then and she was happy, but she was also sharing with me what she will really want to do with her time, after the job.  I remembered she wanted to run a really small business from home, where she will take care of a few children and have time for her own.  I remember she had plans, she knew what will go in what room, she even had a picture of how the nursery will look like.

So, mid-sentence, I stopped her and asked, “What about the crèche you always wanted to run?”  She stared at me blankly and said, “But that is such a small dream. What will taking care of just a few dozen children achieve for me?  Financially, can it meet my needs? Psychologically, how do I tell people that after the heights I reached in my work life, I am reduced to running a crèche?”

The point of today’s post is this; what is the size of the dream that matters?  How big does the dream need to be for us to realise that it is important?  Have you ever asked someone to share their dream for the future and they respond and say to you, hmmm, well my dream isn’t much really!  Who told you your dream is too small? When you press them, you find that they have a dream that’s beautiful and really important to someone.

The thing about living our dream lives is to, first and foremost, understand that whatever God put in us, no matter how small it may seem, is a solution to someone somewhere.  They tell us that if it’s not too big for us, then it is not Gog. But I have come to say that it doesn’t have to be outlandish to make impact.  Dreams come in different sizes and configurations but I think that more than the size is the impact that it makes.  It may be small but I can definitely tell you that the person to whom it is a solution doesn’t think it small.

Your life matters whether you dreamt and manufactured the first airplane or paper clip. Side by side, the paper clip seems almost ridiculously small compared to the airplane, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that the paper clip has its day and use.  If you are in a windy environment, the plane will not hold down your papers, only a paper clip is designed to do that!

I guess what I am saying today is that, it does not matter the perceived size of the dream in your heart, because whether small or big, God put it there to make a difference first in your life and in the lives of other people.

Celebrate the gift in you today, it is the seed for your dream life; and no matter what it is that you have the grace to release remember that it is important and will make impact to those for whom it is designated.  No dream is too small to be relevant. Relevance comes from identifying your audience correctly.
The next time you find yourself static because of size, remember that if you begin small then you may be able to grow it into something big if that is what you are required to achieve.  

Remember, also, that someone is seriously waiting on you to get it so they can begin to move. Whether small or big, your dream is important.

 Nevertheless, it is!


Sistar B

Monday, September 17, 2012

The Reality of Resistance

Sending Blessings your way this Monday morning!  At sundown yesterday, my life moved into a brand new season.  My last child joined his siblings in boarding school and I officially started my journey into the life of an Empty Nester!  I have not been able to stop crying since we dropped him off, which proves that I am no Super Woman after all; I always thought I was one!  I miss my babies bad!!!

To today’s post; last week I received something I first asked for about five years ago and was denied.  That denial made me feel like a failure and even though other parts of my life have moved that particular aspect just stalled and became stagnant.  Every time I thought about this aspect, I just compensated myself by pointing to all the other areas where I was busy moving forward and told myself that that particular failure didn’t define me.  

Even though it didn’t define who I was, it kind of stalled my growth in that area.  I was so afraid of failing like that again that I never even gave it a try.  A few weeks back it dawned on me that I was going to have to deal with this imagined monster once and for all, but the picture of the last time will not release me to move forward.  I got into a conversation with one of my sisters and she said to me, “Bidemi create the reality that you want!”

I took her counsel to heart and I went for it one more time, knees knocking and palms sweaty, but I took the step anyway.  And here is what I found out… Resistance is not failure. The fact that I was resisted at the first attempt didn’t make me a failure, and definitely shouldn’t have defined me. It is the fact that I let it cripple me and I never even made the attempt again, that made me a failure!  I was thinking about this and I stumbled on someone else’s write up where he said “Resistance is not failure; hiding is.”

That was when I resolved that concerning living my dream, especially in this new season when I believe I will have more freedom to take on tasks that I couldn’t in the past, I will not succumb to hiding. When I hit a brick wall like I did five years ago, I will label it ‘resistance,’ take a breather and go at it again and again, until it gives way.

What about you?  Where were you resisted in the past that has become like a road mark of failure?  It is time to get up and give it another go, give it another push.  It is not their resistance that will define you as a failure but your choice to hide.  The times of hiding are over. Arise, take up your bed and walk!

Because no matter what they say to you, you can actually create the reality that you want. No one else will do it for you, only you can.  Never forget that after all is said and done, you can still make it even when you have been hiding for years.  Just get up and keep moving again and you will make it Nevertheless. I promise you will.


Sistar B

Monday, September 10, 2012



Welcome to a brand new week and day; another opportunity to grow and nurture our dreams that we have received from the most high God.  Today I thought we should visit a word I am not particularly fond of; STRATEGY!

I personally am not a fan of the word strategy, and the reason for me is simple; a lot of us don't take the time to think through what strategy should be.  I find that most of those strategies are not as original and organic as I personally will like. Instead they seem to be opportunities people use to find a way to ape what others are doing to succeed without taking into consideration the peculiarity of who they are.

This last week however, I chanced upon a definition of STRATEGY that I like and based on that definition, I have put together a few points you may want to consider before your next strategy session.  But first the definition:

Strategy is using what I have, to create what others need to get what I want. For me this is the best definition I have heard of the word so far.  It quickly allowed me to ask myself ‘What do I have that I can convert to what others need, to produce or get what I want?

To find an answer, we need to go back to basics to investigate who we truly are, based on which we can begin to formulate plans that are organic to us in moving forward.

 Points to ponder

1.  What story do I want to tell?

2.  What do I have - talents, skills, resources...?

3.  What do others need around me that what I have may be able to meet?

4.  How do I convert what I have to what others need?

5.  What do I want from others?

6.  How do I use what I have converted my resource to, to get what I want?

7.  At the end of this exercise, is my story still the same or has something changed? 

8.  If something changed, do I like the new story?

9. If not, what did I miss?

Whether you are just embarking on the journey to dream land or you have been on it for a while, I hope you find this helpful.  No matter what, my confidence is and will always be that as long as you commit to this journey even when it is taking longer than you anticipated, you will make it NeverTheLess.

Yes you will, I promise.


Sistar B

Monday, September 3, 2012

Your Journey to Significance

Coch Anna McCoy

Welcome!  To a brand new week, brand new month and brand new day!  For my Coach and Sista Anna McCoy, it is a brand new year and it is an honour to be in her life on this great day. Happy Birthday Coach!

On today’s post, I want to look at the journey to significance.  The reason why we keep pressing into the fullness of our dreams is because we are on a journey to significance. There is a tug at our hearts to be more than we are; a pull at us to not just be the best but to also be people whose lives will impact and inspire others to begin their own journey into significance.  However, not all of us who start on this journey find people to travel with all the time.

For reasons ranging from a lack of integrity to a lack of authenticity to even an inability to sell the vision effectively for others to buy in, a lot of us never get to arrive at the place of significance that was the dream when we set out.  This place is the place of LEGACY where our work lives beyond us in other people’s lives and we find a deep satisfaction for our labour.

If the journey to significance is what we crave, shouldn’t we find out how to get there?  I know someone whose journey has inspired my life and that of hundreds of women and I will like to draw my highlights today from her life.  In a manner, these are the things I see in the life of my Coach Anna McCoy on her journey to significance.

1.       Don’t come as a rocket scientist.  The quality I cherish most in Coach Anna and you should emulate, is the ability to recognise that on the journey to significance you will meet others who have the answer to some piece of the puzzle.  Others need to recognise that even though it is your dream they are working with you, they have contributions to make and that you are open to those contributions as well as value them.  Coach is always willing to listen to what you are thinking and that makes it pretty easy to work with her.
2.      Another point to consider is that there must be value you are creating.  In a past post I had mentioned going organic which, basically, is a call to build our journey to significance around the stuff we are good at.  However, what really is the use of what you are good at to me, except it adds value to my life?  What this means is that my journey to significance cannot be all about me.  Someone else must be benefitting from the things I do. Once someone gets value out of your journey, then you are not far from significance.  You don’t spend twenty minutes with Coach Anna and not receive value for your own journey.
3.      Consider this too: Does your journey leave an impression?  The journey to significance as I have learnt from Coach Anna is beyond what we say and even the things we do, it extends to the life span of the impact that we make.  To leave a legacy is as easy as the lasting impression you create.  I am yet to find someone who spends time with Coach who doesn’t notice that she is the real deal!  Her commitment to developing herself shows in the way she relates to those she comes in contact with and she is never one to dabble into idle talk.
4.      How intentional are you?  One of the very first things I noticed about Coach Anna is her ability to set goals and intentionally work towards achieving them.  What I learnt fast with her is that except she is able to identify the value that can come out of whatever is being suggested, she doesn’t involve herself.  This for me means that I get to spend energy on the things that matter and move the journey forward rather than give my energy to something that is headed nowhere.
5.      My Coach truly LOVES those she is called to serve.  The journey to significance is about serving others, impact and value is about affecting other lives… and yes I have seen love displayed so selflessly and extravagantly that I am on a journey to learn how to love for real.  

If I had space I can go on for another three pages or more, but I will stop here, asking you to use these lessons from the life of Anna McCoy map out strategies for living your own journey to significance.  I will not be fair to my Coach if I don’t let her know today that because of her journey, my own journey has become more significant than when I started.

Happy Birthday Coach, thanks for pulling me in the right direction, thanks for undertaking your journey and by so doing showing how to travel this road.  One thing is clear to me and it is that no matter what happens; we will make it together to destiny, we will make it NeverTheLess.


Sistar B